My mom's awesome, amazing, herbal blog!

http://www.dreamseedsbliss.com/2011/03/urban-herbology.html?showComment=1299625635064#c3361332905561500876

Today check out my momma's blog...she is really great!
I promise I will write some herbie stuff soon. Just been busy with the kiddos:)

Change my heart O God

A forewarning to anyone that may read this: I am in a really bad mood and this may come across as a little...um...negative?! I try and I try and I try again. And I fail. I fail again and again. I wonder if I will ever get it right. You make one little mistake...one wrong thing at the wrong time and BAM!!! He's offended and I'm defensive, and his spirit is broken, and I'm frustrated. My heart races and I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. I feel like I need to get out. Just go somewhere. But where can I go that I will feel safe and secure and warm. Nowhere that won't leave me feeling empty and depressed. What is wrong with me? Why do I struggle so badly in my marriage? Why is it so hard to love sometimes? I am acting like the foolish woman that is tearing down her house instead of building it up. I have stinkin thinkin. I read once in a marriage book written by Kay Arthur, that there are rooms in your mind. There are positive rooms and negative rooms. You can spend time in the positive room and focus on all the things that you are thankful and grateful for, all the goodness in your life. I mean I have a warm house, I have three beautiful and healthy children, I have a car, I have an income (small one but still), I have a husband that loves me, I have friends that love me, I have a family that loves me! Or, I can spend time in the negative room and think about all the bad things that have happened and sometimes do still happen. When I spend time in that negative room, my attitude becomes well, negative. When I spend time in the positive room my heart and attitude are so completely different. It's just the discipline to stay in the positive room where I have the problem. When there is an issue, and issues start piling on top of each other it can really set me off. I mean fury unleashed! I have an anger issue. There I said it. I have a serious, out of control problem and it is called anger. It causes me to lash out on the people that I love the most. It causes me to become depressed and ashamed of my behavior. It is a constant threat and it is lurking around every corner of my house. The enemy of my soul loves that I have this problem. He feeds on it. He provokes it. I know that I need help. I know that I need Someone to take this away because I can't do this on my own. Jesus, only You can take it away. Only You can soften my heart and mold it. Please do so before I ruin everything in sight, before I completely give up! I'm so not perfect or Godly or better than anyone else. I also know that I'm not a bad person for my issues. There are reasons behind what I have. But it is a condition, just like alcoholism or depression. That is why I am going to Celebrate Recovery. Not only to seek help and support but to worship. I love to worship. It is so uplifting and helps me to just love God in my heart when sometimes my words and actions seem to be unloving. There is peace and forgiveness in worship. In I John it says that if you love God and hate your brother than you are a liar and the truth is not in you. This is the verse that came to my mind. I am having hatred in my heart when I am called to love. How can I overcome these hang ups? I need to hear Your voice Lord! I know in the Christian realm of thinking happiness is not the most important thing in a relationship. But I really truly want to be happy. I want to be content...and I am never content. My husband knows that and it is frustrating to him, which I can totally understand. But how can I become a content person? That I don't have a clue, at least I haven't had a clue so far. There is always something for me to be frustrated over or longing for. And sometimes it is material things but mostly it's about habits and needs. My husband and I are so different. I can either accept that or fight it. I think I need to accept it and seek God's help to mend our brokenness. Well, I don't know what to say to end this. I suppose that since I am so completely open and vulnerable at times, my blogs are not always going to be uplifting. I'm sorry if you have read this and you are thinking I am crazy...sometimes I think I am too! Pray for me. We need to pray for each other because we are all in the gutter, just some of us are looking at the stars!-Oscar Wilde. I suppose now it's time to face the music and apologize. Dun dun dun...my most favorite part! Just kidding. At least there is a lesson to be learned in every circumstance. Today my lesson is to stop focusing on myself. Goodnight. May tomorrow be a better one.
Trying to love,
Robyn

I want to speak wisely and be kind.

Proverbs 31:26 says, "She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness." I love this verse. I hope that I can be this kind of woman. Can my husband and four year old daughter say this about me??? I wonder is what I am saying building up? Is it good, kind, lovely? Is it virtuous? Is it positive? 
I want to appreciate my husband. I want to tell him every day something that I appreciate about him. And I don't want to say anything negative to him. I want to see that man out of the eyes of love.  Love as big and great as the love of God. I'm not going to point the finger any more. I am willing to be misunderstood. I am willing to change. I am willing to love. 
Lord, help me to love my husband and my daughters like You want me to love them. Help me to care for my husband the way he needs to be loved so that he can be the leader for this family that I know he is. 
I may not get all the laundry done today. I probably won't get around to the tub that needs to be cleaned. But Lord, please let me love today and this whole week, into the rest of my life. Help me to be a good steward of this family that you have given to me. Amen. 
I want to focus on what I am doing and wonder "is this beneficial to my family or just me?" Every purchase, every choice, every thought even. My family is my biggest ministry. And boy do I fail every day. But my cry is, "Jesus, make me better." I believe that He will hear my cry and He will answer me. 
Today I am thankful for Jesus...my main Man, who loves me. He is my Savior. I am thankful for Sam, my partner and lover, my beautiful daughters that I hold so close to my heart, prayer, friendship, and the Word. Every time I go to my Bible study, get together with friends and talk about the Word, God speaks to my soul...He feeds my spirit! It's so wonderful! I'm so excited!!! 
Well, if you have gotten this far thanks for bearing with me and reading about my journey in faith. So far this blog hasn't had much to do with herbs which was my original purpose in starting this thing! Haha! Soon though I will talk more about plants. Right now I am just soaking in God's love. I like it. 
Lots of love,
Robyn     

Growing Kids God's Way

Some friends of ours asked us two days ago to join them in a parenting class called Growing Kids God's Way. So here begins a new wonderful journey that I am so excited to be on. People that know me well know that I don't mind being vulnerable at times. I am pretty much an open book and I try to be as honest as possible. So with that being said I don't mind telling people that yes, I have problems. No, I do not think that my grandparents that raised me are a complete failure or anything. My parents and grandparents did the best that they could with what they knew when they were raising me. And I am so thankful for everything that they did for me and how they never gave up on me when I was in my pits. However, I have always been a critic of the way I was raised and I have learned from their mistakes...or so I thought. One thing that I always wanted for my children that I did not have in my life is a God-like home. I want Jesus to be the center of our lives. I want to pray to Him each morning and each night before we lay our heads down. I want my children to see that Mommy and Daddy love each other. I want them to feel safe and secure in their home. But why is it that I have such a hard time remembering to do this with my children when it is the exact thing that I have always dreamed of? The answer is difficult to know for sure. One thing I do know is that our way has not been the right way. God has opened some doors. Whenever there is a need in my life, the Lord fulfills that need. I want to change, I want to get rid of old bad habits and I want to replace them with new good habits. I can not tell my kids how to live their lives accordingly when I am not doing it myself! And the first thing that Sam and I are implementing in our life is couch time. 15 whole minutes of uninterrupted Mommy and Daddy time. No talking about kids, bills, finances, schedules, or anything negative. Just pure one on one, eye to eye romance....in front of the kids. My children need to know that the two most important people in their lives love each other. Mommy and Daddy's relationship must take priority. There were no children in the garden...just man and wife. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." Mark 10:7-9. Happy Valentines Day to you and your loved ones! May you be blessed! And if you don't have a valentine this year, let Jesus' peace that passes all understanding encompass you and fill you with His love. His is the best! xoxo
Robyn

Hi friends, family, herbie people, and mommas!!!

These are some of the things that describe me! I am Robyn. My life has been a roller coaster of a ride of excitement and adventure, sorrow, despair, guilt and shame, and peace, love, and redemption! I am on a journey of what I hope to be recovery, celebration, saturation, learning, health, and love. Right now I'm cruisin through motherhood. This is a really fun part! Babies, babies, and more babies!!! I have a 4 year old princess, and I literally mean princess, name Ariella Rose. She is way fun. She has an imagination like I did when I was her age! She is very girlie and loves to pretend. Yesterday she was cracking me up pretending to be an evil queen. She had the facial expressions to go along with her character. And lately I am the honey and she is the mommy:) I really love being Ariella's mommy...but sometimes we clash. I have patience issues. And I pray every day that God will help me to be a better mommy. A resource that I like is Love and Logic, and now I may be discovering Growing Kids God's Way. Praying about that one. I also have twins Bella and Aubrey. They are six months old, almost 7 months and the sweetest little babies! I love being a mommy of three girls! I love Jesus. Yes, He is the Man, my higher Power and He is good to me. A friend told me recently that faith is like the wind, you can't see it but you know it's there. I have held on to these words lately and when doubts arise, I just choose to trust. I am grateful for who I am and for what God has given me. I love plants although I am a beginner in the world of botany:) A few of my favorites are chamomile, lavender, roses, and nettles. I hope to study herbs more in depth very very soon and I hope that you will join me on my journey through discovering God's gifts to us all! That's all for today. Thanks for reading my introduction! Talk to you soon! xoxo
Love and peace,
Robyn